Afternoon Off (What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do With Yourself)

Hello friends! Do you take anything for granted? Something I used to take for granted: time alone. Now it’s like a precious jewel I have to mine for…

The first time I’ve gone to sit alone in a coffee shop in about three years. I observe the chaotic movement upon the surface of my latte. Even as I stare, it’s difficult to see the movement- tiny bubbles popping all around in the foam of that delicious hot beverage.

Whenever I get actual time alone now, I struggle to even know what to do with myself. My mind just goes to all of the things I “should probably do” or “need to do,” but it’s hard to even consider the things I “want” to do, particularly out of the house. Not that there are many things I want to do and can do  by myself at home. Even when I’m home, I can be needed at any moment. I am literally on call 24/7/52. I get no paid vacations. (Or unpaid vacations.) I take my work with me everywhere my family goes. It is good work. But even if you have the best job in the world, you need a break!

I used to work at a company that I generally liked working for because I knew we were doing good work. Some days, I loved my job and some days all I could think about was getting out of there. There were days I just couldn’t take a break or didn’t feel right about it if we were super busy, but most of the time I took a half hour break. I quickly learned to take that break every single day if possible, even if I didn’t feel like I needed one. I did need it! For my own sanity! As stressful and hectic as that job could be,  I got a break most days, then I would go home at the end of the day. How much more do we need breaks when we work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year?

I’m here to say, more so! OK, I’m not trying to say that every parent who works at/from home needs a 30 minute break every day (though you might), but a few moments would be great. To think. To pray. To sit in silence. To read. Something. We need a little time alone to “refresh.” I want to share some thoughts about having time outside the home, without family.

The more I have been able to do this (the older Arch gets), the more I see the importance for my mental health. I need some time alone, without family, to not be needed, to rest and refresh. Though your interests may take you elsewhere, I’ve put together some ideas of what to do when you (or I) don’t know what to do with your time alone. Here they are:

1. Hang out in a coffee shop, drink a latte, and write. 🙂
2. Find a cheap movie theater and go! (This one in Rhode Island is $2-3!)
3. Read in your local library.
4. Go for a walk outside.
5. Take an art class.
6. Grab another mom and take her out for coffee! (It counts!)
7. Sit in a park and draw.
8. Go out to dinner alone and take notes about your meal (or just appetizer/dessert). Don’t forget to share your notes later!
9. Go to a book club or some other educational group sort of thing. (Only if you are an extrovert, otherwise I don’t think it counts!)
10. Join a Bible study group with your/a local church (if you are an extrovert, otherwise I wouldn’t count it as actual alone time).
11. Go to a playground and swing, slide, whatever, because why not?
12. Go somewhere and think about kind things to do for others and/or go do them!

What not to do (in my experience):

1. Run errands
2. Shopping
3. Leave your phone on/ out the whole time. Bring a notebook if you’re going to write!
4. Spend money you’ll feel guilty about spending later
5. Stay inside the whole time if the weather is nice
6. Take your kid(s) with you and expect your time to go a certain way
7. Hold too tightly the need to have time alone/away
8. Neglect to communicate your needs to your spouse
9. Leave home without communicating what you’re trying to do/ your expectations
10. Wait until you feel like you’re going to explode before taking a break (because you might explode before you get that break!)
11. Feel guilty about needing and/or spending time alone
12. Think about it as “me time” just for me and no one else. Granted, it is for you, but it is also for your family. You need it, but they need you to do it too!

A few ideas if you need a few moments to gather yourself:

1. Leave the room for a moment and take a few deep breaths.
2. Put your small child in their crib to cry alone, leave the room and close the door. You might just need a minute if you’re dealing with a fussy or colicky kid. They may just need a minute too!
3. Go to the bathroom alone and lock the door to leave the little ones out for 2 minutes (or however long…heh).
4. Wash your face
5. Drink a glass of water
6. Briefly pray for grace or help

Sometimes it’s just not possible or practical to leave the house. If you can have more than just a few minutes alone, but can’t leave the house:

1. Take a break from screens and social media. Yes, seriously.
2. Pray longer; confess your need, give praise, thank God
3. Read a good book, even if it’s just a few pages
4. Take a shower. Mom life, am I right?
5. Read and think about God’s Word, the Bible
6. Color! That adult coloring book fad was big (is big?) for a reason! It can really help with focus, stress, worry, anxiety, etc.

Also, if you don’t have kids or do but work outside the home (or they are adults) most of this is still very relevant for you.

I hope this is helpful! It was helpful for me as I wrote! Please comment with your thoughts, as always. Let me know if any of these were helpful ideas for you.

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A Letter to Grieving Friends

Dear Grieving Friend,

Know that you are loved. Your pain is real. You are not alone. You always have someone to talk to. I am willing to listen and talk with you, if you need me. God is always there too, He is always good, and He is much more patient than I.

Losing someone you love is never easy. I know you know this, but this is not the way that life was supposed to be. Life wasn’t originally supposed to include death… suffering… pain… Our hearts and sometimes our mouths scream, “No! This wasn’t supposed to happen!” When my mom died, I kept finding myself thinking not the usual “why?” but “what?” – how could Mama – Mama – be gone? I was not worried about “why,” but it made no sense that she was dead and my mind struggled to even process that fact.

Death stinks.

Your heart will hurt and your head may ache – you may be in literal, physical pain to go along with that emotional pain. When my mom had a stroke about three and a half years ago, I had a horrible headache for days, possibly weeks. I remembered this on the day of my mother’s funeral- this physical pain from emotional stress and anguish- and brought an entire bottle of ibubrofen with me that day… when I asked my family, all together in a small room off the main funeral, if anyone else needed some ibubrofen, so many people said yes that I emptied the bottle that morning.

My dear friend, please know that it is OK to grieve. It is good to feel, yes, even the pain. Bottling up grief can cause more problems for you than just letting it wash over you, giving in, and trusting that God will sustain you. It is right to grieve. Winnie the Pooh – a sort of symbol in my family- says, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Though I do not agree with everything our beloved, silly bear has to say, I think this quote resonates in my heart and soul. How blessed am I to have loved someone so deeply that my whole self cries out when they pass on. To still love someone, even when they are gone away.

Time may heal all wounds, but wounds often leave scars. Grieving does not always take place soon, quickly, or on our time-table. Sometimes it can surprise you. Take one day- one moment- at a time. Two days after my Mom’s funeral, a very dear friend of mine- like a grandfather to me- died. Sometimes, I still find myself looking for him at our Sunday evening prayer times, and my stomach lurches as I remember… I won’t find him there. Love and sadness can linger…

Almost ten years ago my brother died. I still remember that day- burned into my mind- but I will spare you all of those details right now. I remember grieving, though it took me hours to cry, right away. However, later I tried to “turn it off,” to hide the pain from myself, and I became numb. I can tell you all about that sometime if you need me to, but suffice it to say that I know the importance of letting yourself grieve and feel. Just trust me. You’ve heard of Lazarus, right? God raised him from the dead, but before he did that, Jesus wept. Even Jesus cried when his friend died!

Be sad. Talk about your loved one. Be awkward (bringing up death can be awkward). Scream if you need to (preferably not AT anyone…). Tell people you miss your loved one; that you’re thinking about them.

It’s so difficult… and just to make it more difficult, everyone grieves differently. Try not to be upset by other people feeling different emotions than you and don’t assume you’ll go through all those “stages of grief” – you might, but you might not. Be patient with others- it is hard to know what to say to someone who is mourning, even when you yourself are mourning. Just let them hug you… hugs, I’m convinced, have a special “healing power” for us.

Remember, dear, that there is always hope in Christ. He died and rose again to bear our sin and bring us into right relationship with God. Sin is our biggest problem, and he took care of it for us to know Him and for His glory.

Think about these words from Psalm 34:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
and delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted;
He saves those crushed in spirit.

Many adversities come to the one who is righteous,
but the Lord delivers him from them all.
He protects all his bones;
not one of them is broken.

There is so much more I could say, but I can’t write everything. I would love to hear from you, so don’t hesitate to write back if you feel up to it. I say it again; you are loved.

Your Friend,

Melissa

Grand Opening of HudsCrafts

Greetings friends! These last few months have been full of busy preparation! Now, I am excited to announce the Grand (Re)Opening of HudsCrafts on Etsy!

As long as I can remember, I have loved to craft and create things. This love was encouraged in various forms by my mother and my grandmothers. (Shout out to you, Nana & Grammie!)

Sometimes to create something you are proud of, you need to work by trial and error. When something doesn’t come out how it was in your mind, it’s OK! We learn by doing and making mistakes. People have different creative styles, and that is awesome. I love seeing what kinds of things other people think up, that I never would have thought of! I designed this card for my mother-in-law & loved it. (You inspire me too, Mom!) This card was one of my creations that started me thinking about starting an Etsy business. Along with crafting since I was a kid, I have wanted to have my own business since I was about 10. I used to pretend I owned restaurants (ask my family if they remember Melissa’s Cafe!) and scheme to sell baked goods and handmade jewelry with my sister (do you remember, sissy?). After I became an adult (I know, I know, I hear you laughing), it became obvious that starting a business wasn’t so easy as selling cookies for 10 cents each! There are so many factors to think about, that I will spare you from right now. Let’s just say, that HudsCrafts was not built in a day!

      

Please feel free to check out our great products! If you see something you like, use this coupon code to save 10% – good through October 18: CCC917. Also keep an eye on my instagram page for another upcoming giveaway! We just announced the winner of our first ever giveaway last night!

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Please comment below with any questions or thoughts about HudsCrafts!