Afternoon Off (What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do With Yourself)

Hello friends! Do you take anything for granted? Something I used to take for granted: time alone. Now it’s like a precious jewel I have to mine for…

The first time I’ve gone to sit alone in a coffee shop in about three years. I observe the chaotic movement upon the surface of my latte. Even as I stare, it’s difficult to see the movement- tiny bubbles popping all around in the foam of that delicious hot beverage.

Whenever I get actual time alone now, I struggle to even know what to do with myself. My mind just goes to all of the things I “should probably do” or “need to do,” but it’s hard to even consider the things I “want” to do, particularly out of the house. Not that there are many things I want to do and can do  by myself at home. Even when I’m home, I can be needed at any moment. I am literally on call 24/7/52. I get no paid vacations. (Or unpaid vacations.) I take my work with me everywhere my family goes. It is good work. But even if you have the best job in the world, you need a break!

I used to work at a company that I generally liked working for because I knew we were doing good work. Some days, I loved my job and some days all I could think about was getting out of there. There were days I just couldn’t take a break or didn’t feel right about it if we were super busy, but most of the time I took a half hour break. I quickly learned to take that break every single day if possible, even if I didn’t feel like I needed one. I did need it! For my own sanity! As stressful and hectic as that job could be,  I got a break most days, then I would go home at the end of the day. How much more do we need breaks when we work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year?

I’m here to say, more so! OK, I’m not trying to say that every parent who works at/from home needs a 30 minute break every day (though you might), but a few moments would be great. To think. To pray. To sit in silence. To read. Something. We need a little time alone to “refresh.” I want to share some thoughts about having time outside the home, without family.

The more I have been able to do this (the older Arch gets), the more I see the importance for my mental health. I need some time alone, without family, to not be needed, to rest and refresh. Though your interests may take you elsewhere, I’ve put together some ideas of what to do when you (or I) don’t know what to do with your time alone. Here they are:

1. Hang out in a coffee shop, drink a latte, and write. 🙂
2. Find a cheap movie theater and go! (This one in Rhode Island is $2-3!)
3. Read in your local library.
4. Go for a walk outside.
5. Take an art class.
6. Grab another mom and take her out for coffee! (It counts!)
7. Sit in a park and draw.
8. Go out to dinner alone and take notes about your meal (or just appetizer/dessert). Don’t forget to share your notes later!
9. Go to a book club or some other educational group sort of thing. (Only if you are an extrovert, otherwise I don’t think it counts!)
10. Join a Bible study group with your/a local church (if you are an extrovert, otherwise I wouldn’t count it as actual alone time).
11. Go to a playground and swing, slide, whatever, because why not?
12. Go somewhere and think about kind things to do for others and/or go do them!

What not to do (in my experience):

1. Run errands
2. Shopping
3. Leave your phone on/ out the whole time. Bring a notebook if you’re going to write!
4. Spend money you’ll feel guilty about spending later
5. Stay inside the whole time if the weather is nice
6. Take your kid(s) with you and expect your time to go a certain way
7. Hold too tightly the need to have time alone/away
8. Neglect to communicate your needs to your spouse
9. Leave home without communicating what you’re trying to do/ your expectations
10. Wait until you feel like you’re going to explode before taking a break (because you might explode before you get that break!)
11. Feel guilty about needing and/or spending time alone
12. Think about it as “me time” just for me and no one else. Granted, it is for you, but it is also for your family. You need it, but they need you to do it too!

A few ideas if you need a few moments to gather yourself:

1. Leave the room for a moment and take a few deep breaths.
2. Put your small child in their crib to cry alone, leave the room and close the door. You might just need a minute if you’re dealing with a fussy or colicky kid. They may just need a minute too!
3. Go to the bathroom alone and lock the door to leave the little ones out for 2 minutes (or however long…heh).
4. Wash your face
5. Drink a glass of water
6. Briefly pray for grace or help

Sometimes it’s just not possible or practical to leave the house. If you can have more than just a few minutes alone, but can’t leave the house:

1. Take a break from screens and social media. Yes, seriously.
2. Pray longer; confess your need, give praise, thank God
3. Read a good book, even if it’s just a few pages
4. Take a shower. Mom life, am I right?
5. Read and think about God’s Word, the Bible
6. Color! That adult coloring book fad was big (is big?) for a reason! It can really help with focus, stress, worry, anxiety, etc.

Also, if you don’t have kids or do but work outside the home (or they are adults) most of this is still very relevant for you.

I hope this is helpful! It was helpful for me as I wrote! Please comment with your thoughts, as always. Let me know if any of these were helpful ideas for you.

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